“It’s coming on Christmas, they’re cutting down trees, putting up reindeer, singing songs of joy and peace…” and I am feeling sad.
I often feel a little blue around Christmas, but this year, it feels different—deeper, more insistent. I was wondering how I could write to you when I’m feeling so blue, how I could muster the strength to tell you about the goodness in the world when my world feels grey. “When your eyes are tired, the world is tired also,” wrote poet David Whyte.
But then I came across a teaching from the Buddha:
“The key is to know when you are feeling a pleasant feeling and when you are feeling a painful feeling, and not to get wrapped up in them. Take refuge in impermanence. No matter how good or bad, the emotion won’t last too long.”
It was a relief to be reminded of this simple truth.
In my reading, I also learned about something called emotional granularity. It’s the practice of naming your emotions with precision—like not just “sad” but maybe “nostalgic” or “melancholy” or “lonely.” Psychologist Lisa Feldman Barrett says doing this helps us feel better in the long run. It makes sense - the more we can tune in, the more alive we are to the moment, even when it’s hard.
In reality, I believe this is at the heart of living a meaningful OOH LA LA! life. To open myself to the fullness of it all is the greatest goodness. Melancholy reminds me of the tenderness of life, grief wakes me to the gift of love, and sadness—especially sadness—has its own kind of beauty and pleasure.
On par with this reflection, my OOH LA LA! list for the week includes: crying to Joni Mitchell, my cat tucking me in, long warm coat.
One of the best ways I know to move through feeling blue is to let yourself feel blue. It was raining on Tuesday when I took myself on what I’ve started calling a “crying walk”, away from my thin-walled apartment. I had been thinking about Kathleen Kelly’s holiday sadness in the 1998 movie, You’ve Got Mail. In one scene, she is decorating her tree and thinking of the song “River.” Turns out crying to this Joni Mitchell masterpiece while walking in the rain, the holiday lights blurred in the periphery under an umbrella is the perfect backdrop to let it all out. By the time I returned home, the sadness had become something softer, something bigger than me, and all was well again.
Sometimes at night, my cat snuggles on top of my legs and marches herself into the blanket, her soft paws stomping to a soothing rhythm. Some call this motion “making biscuits,” because it’s similar to how one might knead dough, but that’s crazy to me because I have never met a cat who can bake. Instead, I like to think my cat is tucking me in, making neat edges with the blanket around my body so I can stay safe and warm all night. Afterward, she probably kisses my forehead and turns out the light, but I’ll never know because I’m asleep as soon as the stomping starts.
In a hyper-focused cleaning sweep earlier this year, I cleared out my closet and donated nearly all my coats, leaving me scrambling for a new one as cold temps have set in. After weeks of searching New York’s thrift stores and Postmark deep dives, I finally found the perfect long warm coat - It’s black, ankle-length, fully lined and made of 100% heavy wool in Ukraine the 80s or 90s, with gold buttons and delicate trim details around the standing collar and cuffs. Most importantly, it is cozy enough to shield me from Brooklyn’s icy winds. It wraps me up completely, like a hug, like a soft, moving cocoon.
Thanks for reading and for being here! It really means so much!
Reply to this email with a few sentences about your OOH LA LA! moments or experiences and I’ll share in the next email!
XOXO,
LJ
“It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees. Do you know that Joni Mitchell song? "I wish I had a river I could skate away on?" It's such a sad song, and not really about Christmas at all, but I was thinking about it tonight as I was decorating my Christmas tree and unwrapping funky ornaments made of Popsicle sticks, and missing my mother so much I almost couldn't breathe.” Watch an edited version of this scene here.
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