I’ve heard it said that if you want better answers, you should ask better questions.
So, I’ve been asking myself to consider a new thought.
Instead of: “how much suffering can I endure?”
a better question might be: “how much pleasure can I receive?”
As I’m living into this question, I feel everything shifting.
I’m good at staying with pain. I’m good at going deep into the dark.
But I’m realizing life is not meant to feel like a long-distance endurance race up a steep, sharp hill. Maybe difficult is not the default. Maybe peace is possible, maybe rest is possible, maybe gentleness, softness, and tender care can be the priority, but just the potential.
Instead of: how much suffering? how much pleasure?
Either way, seasons change, time passes, the days begin and end and keep beginning again.
Either way, the invitation is to open, open, open, to it all.
Ultimately, I know that our pleasure is our greatest source of power. To reclaim ourselves from our oppressors, both internal and external in the world, we must cultivate our sense of satisfaction to work for what we desire to create.
The horrors of the world are real, but we must not go numb, we must not give into the fears. There is no liberation without pleasure. And we deserve to feel good!
This week’s OOH LA LA! list includes: seeing the moon during the day, raindrops on flower petals, an extra side of cheese.
I will never not be excited at seeing the moon during the day. At 10:30am, the summer sky was bright blue, and that’s when I saw her, the soft white silhouette of the waning gibbous, not shining, just staying, like a press-on-sticker in the sky. Some nights stay up until dawn, like the moon visiting the sun during the day. “We shake with joy, we shake with grief”, as my beloved Mary Oliver has written. Everything all at once, the moon and the sun, suffering and pleasure, it is always both together. “What a time they have, these two, housed as they are in the same body,” housed as they are, in the same sky.
There is more change on my horizon, and I’m thinking a lot about logistics and sorting out so many questions. There are emails to answer, boxes to pack, bills to pay, decisions to make. I had a head full of fear about some of these changes, so I took myself on a walk to let it all settle. In an instant, I was transformed when I saw fresh raindrops on flower petals. In an instant, I remembered the whole of it all, and I laughed at my languishing over logistics. In an instant, I felt peace. Sure, the world is heavy and hurting, and I will soon have to make a million hard decisions, but the fact that we get to see raindrops resting on flowers is a wonder and I don’t us to miss out on the miracle. Wowee.
Last weekend I met up with friends for dinner at my favorite plant-based Mexican restaurant in the West Village. When it came time to order, I politely announced that I would be ordering a plate of nachos as my meal, for myself. I am practicing acknowledging what I want and not apologizing for it. When the waiter came, I ordered not just the nachos, but also an extra side of cheese (made from nuts). “It already comes with cheese on it,” he said. I feel no shame for wanting what I want and asking for it. “I know,” I replied, without hesitation. My friends smiled at my confidence, and I smiled back, in satisfaction. Shame was never meant to be a virtue.
And now from OLL Readers…
Derrick: My OOH LA LA! this week was seeing Yussef Dayes live in Cincy! 90 minutes of beautiful live jazz with friends!
Hannah: At 9am one day this week, my neighbor dropped off her daughter for a spontaneous visit. Before I knew it, my daughter and her friend were both petitioning to be naked so they could skinny dip in the water table. While they splashed and giggled, I collected larkspur seeds from my meadow.
Thanks for reading!
I’d love to know - what is an OOH LA LA something you experienced or observed this week?
Reply to this email with 1-3 sentences about your current obsessions, passions, joys, and pleasures and why you love it! Or, simply send me a poem or a photo!
XOXO,
LJ
"If you want the moon do not hide at the night. If you want a rose do not run from the thorns. If you want love do not hide from yourself." - Rumi
Thanks for being here!